Release Me

I looked at the text message and decided to let him go. He'd been on the line long enough. I wasn't really interested. I remembered my first serious breakup in college and how many guys I cruised through. I didn't sleep with them, but I did go as far as I dared, leaving myself on a sexual high and the guy limping back to his car after dropping me at home. I was a selfish bitch. I was looking for something. Or someone. One night I went to a bar with a few friends and I met a young man that one of my group was acquainted with. He attended another local college. He was drinking alone while watching the dance floor. He said his girlfriend was out of town or working or something. Then he asked me to dance. I was surprised but stood and took his hand. I figured he just liked the song but when a slow number began, he took me in his arms and pulled me to his chest. I leaned into him as hard as I dared without knocking him down. I felt like we were having sex on the dance floor. We all went back to his apartment and drank some cheap wine that college students can afford. Couples began to drift together, leaving and pretty soon I was alone with him. I can't remember his name. I knew he smelled good and had soft, curly blonde hair. We began to make out and I thought I might go too far with this handsome stranger. He pulled back a few times but then seemed to change his mind and kissed me harder. He started to reach under my shirt and I leaned into him when he suddenly pulled away and said, "I can't do this." I was embarrassed and wondered if I wasn't pretty enough or if my breath was bad, but he said, "I'm engaged and my girlfriend trusts me." I instantly melted and wanted him more. But, I let him go. We wield a lot of power in a kiss, a glance, a touch, a teasing tone or word. He could have taken advantage of the moment and didn't and I am glad. Glad that he let me go. I'm more careful now with my power. I try not to abuse it. I let some of them go.